accidentally on purpose

沙龍

2009-06-17T11:00:30Z

對焦她的愛對慢了愛人會失去可愛
記低這感慨世事變有沒有將你淹蓋

只一格經典的偶遇已不再儘量框住目前大概

留住溫度速度溫柔和憤怒凝住今日怎樣好
捉緊生命濃度坦白流露感情和態度
留下浮光掠影飛舞

每張都罕有拍下過記住過好過擁有光圈愛漫遊
眼睛等色誘有人性鏡頭裡總有豐收

雖則那即影即有售罄菲林都已拆走但是衝動用完又再有

留住溫度速度溫柔和憤怒凝住今日怎樣好
捉緊生命濃度坦白流露感情和態度
停下時光靜止衰老

登高峯一秒得獎一秒再破紀錄的一秒
港灣晚燈山頂破曉摘下懷念記住美妙
升職那刻新婚那朝成為父母的一秒
要拍照的事可不少

音樂話劇詩詞和舞蹈揉合生命千樣好攝入相部
絢爛如電虛幻如霧哀愁和仰慕
遊樂人間活得好談何容易
拍着照片一路同步坦白流露感情和態度
其實人生並非虛耗
何來塵埃飛舞

勁好聽...

macbooks are now cheap xD

2009-06-14T07:04:09Z

Ok...not like dirt cheap. It's still a good £700 pounds but that was the previous price of the Dell Inspiron about a year or so ago. And the Macbook is an undisputed fashion label to be carrying around. MORE HERE.

Today is Apple’s big day with its Worldwide Developer Conference and it’s newness for the entire unibody MacBook line.

It seems that Apple has taken Microsoft’s Laptop Hunters message to heart and has cut prices for all of its unibody MacBooks across the board.

The 15-inch MacBook Pro now starts at $1699 as opposed to the $1999 it was previously. The entry-level model has a 2.53 GHz Core 2 Duo with 4 GB of DDR3.

The 17-inch now starts at $2499, down from $2799, with a 2.8 GHz Core 2 Duo and 4 GB of DDR3.

The top model MacBook Air gets a massive price cut of $700 down to $1,799. It comes with a 2.13 GHz Core 2 Duo, 2 GB of DDR3 and a 128 GB SSD.

Curiously, Apple has decided to include the 13-inch MacBook now as part of its MacBook Pro line, as it’s sharing so many of the same characteristics. The 13-inch MacBook Pro now starts at $1199 and comes standard with a backlit keyboard, Firewire 800 and a 2.26 GHz Core 2 Duo and 2 GB of DDR3. This will place the entry-level 13-inch MacBook Pro now ahead of the recently refreshed polycarbonate white MacBook.

All of the unibody MacBooks inherit the ‘built-in’ battery design that was introduced earlier this year in the 17-inch model. Apple boasts that the new design lasts three-times longer than removable batteries with its 1,000 recharges. Battery life also jumps by two hours for a total of seven hours across the board.

While PC notebook and even netbook users have enjoyed this feature for years, the new MacBook Pros will finally get a flash memory card slot. The 13- and 15-inch MacBook Pros will get an SD card slot while the 17-inch will get an ExpressCard slot.

So in summary:

* All unibody MacBooks are now Pros, including the 13-inch model (except the Air)
* All MacBook Pros have flash card readers
* All MacBook Pros have the built-in seven-hour battery

Also, Apple really needs to do something about that glossy glass screen. Hopefully the 17-inch’s option of a matte display will also trickle down, even though Apple didn’t make any mention regarding the screen.

While MacBook Pros are more affordable and attractive than ever, it’s still a premium product that won’t shake the image that Macs are expensive.

Source : Tom's Hardware US

I can't wait...I never was a Macbook fan before - I prefer the bulk of IBM Thinkpads but now Apple's pricecuts have really really impressed me. On the other hand, my dream laptop will always be a Japanese notebook. I was using a Fujitsu Lifebook till last year and it the best "feel" of all the laptops I'd used so far.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2009-06-10T19:22:30Z

mechanics
history
mechanics
history
mechanics
history
mechanics
history
mechanics
history
mechanics
history
mechanics
history

i hate it when exams boards do this. two exams in the same morning. i have no breaks.
i also need sleep.　i haven't had more than four hours of sleep each night since monday. this is the worst week ever.

and i found out today...fountain pens are actually allowed. EDEXCEL always stipulates black ball point pen but in turns out blue ink can be scanned as long as it's not too light so this means my fountain pen can be used. thank god.

bummer

2009-06-03T16:28:34Z

I fucked up my tudor paper so so so bad -0- how did i misread the question?? i fail at basic exam technique...

fedora 11 arriving in 6 days...
hurry up~~~ i want to use my computer again...

time for mad revision

2009-05-31T10:41:17Z

Shit.
Monday: C3
Tuesday: Mid-Tudor Crisis documents resit
Friday: C4

If I don't manage a 90% average...last years appalling S1 module will come back to haunt me for sure...No msn, no facebook, no youtube, no streaming dramas, no TSR.

好煩燥呀~~

2009-05-28T13:04:53Z

我真係冇你咁無聊
冇哂話題咁

唔好咁灰啦...
最多我請你食返餐...
你估我唔擔心唔及格咩...
咪一樣又冇大學收

some retard....

2009-05-14T19:55:18Z

I can't believe I read this

I'm having the same problem in Ubuntu 9.04 AMD64 w/ Amarok 2.0.2. I just wanted to let everyone know that in addition to being fixed in SVN, this bug is also fixed in my imagination--I'm picturing Amarok interfacing with my iPod right now and my fantasy is going just great.

My imaginary fix is doing Amarok users as much good as a fix that sits in SVN for months without being released, so I thought I'd announce it here for everyone's benefit. If you would like to apply my fix to your copy of Amarok without wasting 17,473 hours compiling a program from SVN just to get a basic feature to work, here are the steps you need to take.

Step 1: Launch Amarok. It's very important that Amarok be started first.
Step 2: Plug in your iPod using the USB cable. Your distro should automatically mount it.
Step 3: Close your eyes, and picture your music streaming down the cable and into the media player.

Hint: Since this is your fantasy, feel free to embellish. Maybe your USB port now transfers data at 150MB/sec. Maybe a beautiful member of the opposite sex is giving you a back massage while you wait. You're in charge, so go nuts and have fun!

please...just give me a working solution. I need music = =;;

today is a landmark day...

2009-05-11T19:42:51Z

I finally upgraded to Fedora Core 10 then messed around with Gnome and Xfce till my desktop interface was unrecognisable. I panicked for forty minutes when firefox wouldn't start up and then spent three hours trying to recreate the slideshow wallpaper from Fedora 8 Infinity.

Apart from that, facebook, damages, house md and looking at Law sites in a pathetic attempt to garner information. I've been giving way to fantasy...that I could possibly get AAA this summer, apply for three years of LLB at Kings or UCL, fund 5000 quid for the additional year long LPC or BVC course + exam and then get contract/pupillage (where I will need to dig up another 8000-11000 pounds).

Maybe the world would be a little more sympathetic to my cause.

i miss hong kong already

2009-04-27T20:06:19Z

this is so sad :(

ARGH LOL I will miss our history class. I realize that I'm not actually in the video..and that I uploaded it in atrocious dv format.

DJ Max is THE PSP game

2009-04-26T11:08:50Z

I am so excited..can't wait to start Black Square after I get a new memory card. This time I'm going to need a 8gb one. Apparently you need a patch to fix up Black Square though otherwise it'll erase all the data from DJ Max 2. LOL, I hope Konami doesn't actually win the case against Pentavision. Beatmania just cannot compare xD

If i could do it this good..then well..meh..

Another reason to play this game: it has really really really really good sounds tracks. I promise.

woo kdramas ftw xD

2009-04-21T15:37:57Z

Korean dramas are addictive...makes me wonder why I used to ignore them.

exam timetable is a big no-no

2009-03-30T17:15:18Z

Finally got the timetable today. It's the time of the year again when people stress and pull hair out. Some poor people have so many retakes that their table is two pages long.

Also, I wonder how exam boards expect people to sit like for three hours in the same hall...Mechanics...followed by history ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH Also Chinese A2 is (har dee har har) three hours long so I will need a pillow though apparently, I'm allowed to walk out after 60 minutes.

Three more days till I go back to Hong Kong xDDDDD

they don't make nice cellphones here

2009-03-17T09:57:39Z

where are the nice flip phones? all I can do is drool at the stuff on the softbank website. they don't even sell these in hong kong.

鋤大D

2009-03-13T20:32:34Z

is the best card game EVER. Also known as Big Deuce, Big Two etc etc. If you're Hong Kong, Taiwan or just Chinese in general, you will probably be familiar with the rules and the concomitant excitement and exchange of profanities of the game.

The game requires four players, each with thirteen cards. Then you deal out singles, pairs, threes or fives depending on the combos (straight, straight flush, flush, royal flush, full house) in turn on to a common pile. Each combo/card that is dealt MUST be of a higher rank than the one before. If your cards happen to suck, then you have to pass the turn. The deuce of spades is highest card available so the game always starts with the person who is in possession of the diamond three. To win the game, only one players needs to get rid of all thirteen cards on your hand.

I played two hours straight of it with friends...even the Wii wasn't as interesting.

oh no nononononono

2009-03-10T15:45:30Z

Google and PRS in deadlock as music videos pulled from YouTube
YouTube in the UK is to be stripped of its most popular music videos after the site failed to agree a new licensing deal with the Performing Rights Society for Music, the trade body that collects music royalties.

YouTube said today that after the expiry of its former deal, PRS had proposed new payment terms that would be financially prohibitive for the site and would require YouTube to pay out more than it makes from the ads next to each video.

(guardian.co.uk)

this is literally:

what the flipping fuck :o I don't even know how to react to this.

book meme from facebook

2009-03-08T10:12:17Z

The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here.
How do your reading habits stack up?

Instructions:
Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read once. Enter a number for the number of times you read something. Make sure you delete my x'S! (i used bold insead)

When you've finished, tag 10 people and the person who sent it to you and put your total at the bottom.

OK fellow bookworms, let's fight dirty!

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte (got halfway through this before dying)

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6 The Bible - Various HA

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens (tried to read this but fell asleep)

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (lol..no way!)

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger (i tried to read this!)

19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot (adam bede was a turnoff)

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell (you have to kidding me)

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald (tried to read this...failed)

23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy (LOL you have to kidding me)

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll (really enjoyable. multiple times over)

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy (nah..)

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens (read the shortened version lol)

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (what, like all?)

34 Emma - Jane Austen

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini ( I have the chinese copy)

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden (no way...)

40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne (this is a childhood book. GO AND READ THIS!!)

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (I'm planning on this)

44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins (not after my mum read it)

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery (go and read Black Beauty!)

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood (um...don't really like her?)

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52 Dune - Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons (borrowed and returned)

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zifon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (again, i plan on reading this soon)

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov (ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING? Montgomery Montgomery was too twisted for my feminine sensibilities)

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville ( I plan on this!)

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce (this is my nightmare book)

76 The Inferno - Dante

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens- seen the muppet movie of the

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery (my mum got all excited about the illustrations so I read it)

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams (have it taped on video and watched it many times in primary school)

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

A grand total of 23.

Square Enix have outdone themselves this time!

2009-03-01T20:09:32Z

I've just finished Northanger Abbey which means I've read the complete works of Jane Austen. Catherine Morland is obviously the most naive of her heroines but that doesn't detract from the enjoyment of the novel and I find Tilney far more livelier that Darcy. Mrs Allen cracks me up as much as Mrs Bennet does (they are both such airheads).

And this is what I've been up to for the duration of the weekend:

The graphics and music alone should be enough reason to play it, if you aren't already an FF fan. It's all in japanese though so I've been having to use online guides and youtube walkthroughs.

oriental parents pft they don't get any worse than this

2009-02-22T19:56:38Z

I wonder how much my family/teachers will freak if I said I wanted to change from History to English Lit. ARGH When indecision and whims plague you...I feel like Hamlet on the verge of disaster. "Documents or Dickens? Sources or Shelley?" and so on.

I need to decide before it's too late - already had this put off for a whole year. Of course my dad would fucking disown me if I chose English. I remember that surreptitious sigh of relief he breathed when I ditched that choice for History last year even though outwardly he still glowered because Physics was a lost cause.

If I were apply for English Literature...well I suppose this is the likely scenario

M (maternal figure) "Thank goodness! You were such a bookworm..now you can write a book and be rich like that J K Rowling!"
D (the daddy figure) "I'm not going to say anything but you should know I'm disappointed in you"
...
D "I knew I should have never sent you to international school..now your Chinese is so substandard...Chinese is going to be important from now on you know? Colonialism is over!...[insert eulogy on the three thousand years of Chinese Civilization EMPHASIZE the fact that whilst the Chinese were philosophizing on morality, the rest of Europe was still busy daubing their faces with paint and running barefoot in the hills. Bliss]
Me (hostage) "Look...I'm SORRY but I'm old enough to make my own decisions."
D "What am I going to tell my relatives and colleagues? That my CHINESE daughter is going to study ENGLISH literature?"
...
D "Those white devils! Where is the tradition? All because of those ESF schools..waste my money waste my time...and YOU! you never listen to me! Always reading those Lord of the Rings and fantasy books! why can't you spend more time on your maths and chinese?"

It happened last year when I so carelessly dropped that I had written AND handed in my personal statement for History. My mom freaked because I wasn't going to do English so not going to write and get rich...and my Dad was annoyed because all the UK courses specialized mostly in British and European history. He also pointed out that they "glossed over" their greedy ambitions in bullying the "sick man of Asia", China, carving up the seaports and rich fertile land and rivers yadda yadda yeah. I've been listening to this crap for the last ten years of my life. EVER SINCE I FUCKING ENROLLED INTO INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL. AND I NEVER MADE THAT DECISION ANYWAY.

Now I'm happily ensconced in Northern London, suburbia and attending sixthform in a hilarious school which I love and from several thousand miles away the accusatory voices of my parents can still be heard. It's just impossible to ignore their well-aimed vitriol because they fight dirty. Appeal to my sense of guilt (who's been paying for you education??) and then throw dung in my eyes (are you even chinese??) and then mother dear: "you need to earn more money than your stupid dad so I can divorce him and his peacock-mother! I've been feeding you for the last eighteen years so be an obedient daughter!" (my mom hates the in-laws...I hear her bitching on the phone 24/7)

I am SO relieved that I haven't called them this week but my mom managed to sneak in a "guilt trip" email anyway.

i ordered a happymeal

2009-02-18T14:21:48Z

today and the person at the till looked at me like I was demented. Am I? And I didn't buy that because I wanted the stuffed toy featuring in some movie. It was nearly TWO pounds cheaper than a regular sized meal. McDs isn't really worth the money unless you have coupons which get you the 1.99 deal. (Obviously this is all IMHO in case you happen to be a fillet-o-fish fanatic and would kill for their fries)

Half-term is half gone and books to read include White Teeth, the Bell Jar and the Idiot. My line-up is so bleh but I can't think of any better. After my Austen phase I've become averse to anything that screams Bronte, Hardy or Lawrence...I've become slightly tired of Victorian writers and anything which isn't within the world of comedy.

never trust the food on your plate

2009-02-10T20:44:22Z

I had the grossest EVER vegetable lasagne at school today. Served on a disposable polystyrene plate with a plastic fork and a plastic knife and a slice of garlic bread. The broccoli crumbled in a fibrous bushy mess in my mouth. I wonder if my brain even registered the poor excuse for cheese. In between the layers of limp, wet pasta nestled hard slices of carrot, zucchini and a gooey tomato mess rendering it all a soggy, tasteless nightmare.

My friend opposite had a muffin and salad whilst I pushed my plate of shit away and rested my head in a dejected fashion on the table.

Yeah, lunch sucks. Bitchy canteen ladies and pushy year sevens fail to help either. I'm not going back in that hell hole if it's the last thing I do.

blatant brain bummer

2009-02-09T17:43:36Z

Urgh eugh blergh I need to rollover and pass out before my neurons fizzle. I've taken to aimlessly photographing junk in my room to avoid working.

"A comic perspective simply implies a happy ending in which the problems of character, relationships and circumstance are all conveniently resolved." Compare and contrast the two novels you have studied for this paper in such a way as to explore how far you find this judgement an acceptable one.

Dear Emma...if you were not such a snob and delusional little brat, the complications need never have happened in the first place. And Elizabeth...despite priding yourself as such a good judge of character you failed when it came to that Darcy. So there.

Will send death threat to Edexcel in spare time.

Monsieur Le Snowman

2009-02-03T19:00:09Z

I found out today I live only a fifteen minute walk away from a friend...and the result on a school-less day?

The ridiculous cowboy hat made our snowman rock the others on the street. Ours was best dressed whilst we passed ones that were only clad in soggy shawls >:D

He got a nosejob when we decided the carrot was better than a pebble...but if fell off a few hours later. I think Michael Jackson would've been the more appropriate name.

My hands are suffering from chilblains and my gloves got pretty ruined but it was worth it.

We Are Scientists are my newest obsession. I have no school tomorrow again but I should really revise for my C3 mock on Thursday meh. Less facebook, more study.

lots of snow

2009-02-02T08:53:35Z

My friend just texted me and there is no school today. Wooo.

20:31 I facebooked, msned and procrastinated for the whole day. Stepped outside for ten minutes and came back with a red nose and watering eyes. Neightbours were very lively in the snow...

新年快樂

2009-01-25T22:11:31Z

The obligatory well wishing phrases...

新年祝福, 新年進步, 歲歲平安, 一帆風順
褔星高照, 大吉大利, 恭喜發財, 學業進步
龍馬精神, 身體健康, 歲歲平安, 生意興隆
招財進寶, 財源廣進, 笑口常開, 萬事大吉
一團和氣, 新年進步, 萬事勝意, 如意吉祥
心想事成, 年年有餘, 出入平安, 時來運轉
馬到功成, 五福臨門, 四季平安, 橫財就手
心想事成, 事事如意, 夢想成真, 青春常駐
...合家歡樂

Technically two hours early but Happy Chinese New Year to you as well. Now I wish my family would just kiss and make up but another year rolls in and some tranquil and honest smiles seem so far off.

i make stupid decisions

2009-01-18T20:08:57Z

Why didn't I buy THIS instead?

Historiography makes life frustrating.I am prematurely ageing already.

An Account of My Essay Writing
It's now...20:43 and my essay is due tomorrow. The title is "To what extent did ideological difference engender the Cold War?: A Historiographical Critique"...I want to rip my hair out cause my teacher wants three pages and I've got one paragraphy.

20:46 Is it "Federal Reserve" or "federal reserve"?
20:50 Does Kennan even COUNT as a traditionalist historian? I haven't read anything by McNeill or Bailey shit shit shit
21:00 Does "communism" have a capital C in this context: "Post-Revisionism emerged in the seventies and eighties and sought to take the argument away from bipolarity between America and the Soviet, capitalism versus communism.". Does post-revisionism deserve caps??? SHIT so confused.
21:01 do I mention dick-head-Gaddis in my intro? (yes I'm still on my intro)
21:14 ...haven't decently finished my introduction but what the hell. I need to get started on the rest of my essay.
21:21 I've written one sentence on Orthodox interpretation. This is just great - at this rate I won't be climbing into bed until 2AM. Why is everything so convoluted?
21:27 I'm going to shower. I still haven't written my orthodox interpretation paragraph and I need to read some sources for quotes. Argh.
22:10 I got a scolding from my Aunt. Angry at her but probably unjustly so. Three lines of second para so far, half of which is a pretty cool quote: "the intransigence of Leninist ideology, the sinister dynamics of a totalitarian society, and the madness of Stalin” by Schlesinger.
22:25 405 words!!
22:39 Ok...word count of 528. I can finally begin refuting the orthodox interpretation. But then there's also the revisionist, post revisionist and other bits and bobs. oh man my eyes are so tired now.
0:01 I have 899 words!
0:48 blergh. My eyes hurt from the glare of the screen...converted the essay into pdf and transferred it to my USB.
0:55 going to bed now.

-- okay, just adding this because I'm absolutely MAD. I was the ONLY person who turned the essay in today. Everyone else hadn't finished. I feel damn cheated - we were given two weeks and I was the only person who bothered to hand this in on time. I don't know whether to label myself as geek or desperate or whatever.